Thursday, November 07, 2013

Lululemon vs Zumba Fitness

Post by Zumba Fitness.

This is Alberto Perlman, CEO and co-founder of Zumba® Fitness, in response to the head of Lululemon, who said that womens' bodies are to blame for his faulty pants.

In case you can't see it:

Tuesday, November 05, 2013

#*$& gluten!

Flickr: NickWhitworth; used under cc by-sa 2.0

OK's pretty much what the conversation between my body and my brain has been over the last year:

 BRAIN: Ow. Ow. Seriously? Oww. I'm all swollen. And what is going on with Stomach?! Feels like I'm being skewered with hot pokers in there. Whatever you guts are doing, knock it the eff off.

GUTS: Sorry, boss. We haven't been ourselves lately. We feel all...overcrowded. 

BRAIN: Aw, crap.

GUTS: Yeah, that's kind of what we're saying.

BRAIN: OK. Well, let's get looking into that. Hair, what's up with you? You're all brassy, and dry as hell. Maybe a spa day would help. Or, like, a spa...week?

HAIR: I know, I know. I'm all dry and shizz. I don't know what to tell you, but before you ask, Nails are all brittle, too, and Skin's been mad ashy. She needs, like, some shea butter or something.

BRAIN: OK, OK. What the hell is going on? What was it, just, like, six months ago we were on top of our game! Feeling good! Feeling all invincible and junk. What the hell happened?

GUTS: Uh, well, we didn't want to say anything. But...boss, you haven't been yourself lately, either.

BRAIN: What? What are you talking about. I'm on top of my game. You all are falling apart, but there's nothing wrong with me. Uh...did anyone see where I put my keys?

EYES: Uh huh, that's the fourth time you've asked us that this week.

BRAIN: F***. OK, here's the deal. Guts, we're starting with you. There's big news going on now about wheat allergies. Maybe we have that. Sh*t, I didn't think we had any allergies, but we're getting kind of, you know, up there...

ENSEMBLE: *incoherent clamor*

BRAIN: Now, hey, now. Come on. We're 35. That's, like, approaching middle age. Now, I'm not saying we're ready for elastic waistbands and shuffleboard, but I do think we need to consider that the years of eating whatever the hell we wanted has, you know, started to catch up.

BOOTY: You're telling me.

BRAIN: Yeah, Booty, we've been meaning to talk to you about that. We need to keep an eye on you. This freaking desk job is the pits.

PITS: Hey!

BRAIN: Alright, anyway. Like I was saying, we may have developed an intolerance for something, and we're going to start with the wheat.

TONGUE: Nooooo!!!

BRAIN: I'm sorry, Tongue, but yes. We're going to start there. Let's see where it gets us.

**One month later**

BRAIN: Well, guys, good job! Everyone is looking good. I think it's safe to say that the wheat was definitely at least part of the problem. Look! Even Booty is looking good!

BOOTY: Thanks, boss.

TONGUE: *pout* I miss bread.

BRAIN: Oh, now, Tongue, don't start.

TONGUE: And cake. And cookies.

STOMACH: Here he goes...

TONGUE: ...and bagels and crackers and cupcakes and cereal and wahhhh!!!

BRAIN: Sighh. OK Tongue. Tomorrow morning we'll make some pancakes for the kids and you can have one.

**One month later**

BRAIN: uhhhhhhhh.

STOMACH: uhhhhhhnnnnhh.

GUTS: mmmf. mmmmmmmmf.

BRAIN: wha...whahappn?

TONGUE. WHOOOO!!! LOTS of WHEAT! And pancakes and cookies and cake and bagels and EVERYTHING!!!!!!

BRAIN: I..*urp*....think we need to try that again.

And so the cycle has continued, month after month, for the last year. I feel gross and I'm trying to buckle down and get rid of ALL THE WHEAT. But dang, it's hard!

Especially when your kids are all, "Mommy! We baked a cake!"

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Heyday Footwear feeds my sneaker addiction

Hey guys, just a little video to show off my  new sneakers. If you like 'em, go buy some! If you're thinking, "Those would be great if they weren't weirdly Muppet-y," well I have good news for you friends--they've got some super sleek styles you'll love.

I've been crawling the website, dreaming of which style will be my next Zumba® shoes. Which ones do you like? Let me know in the comments!

Sunday, September 01, 2013

Change is good! Or IS it??

Photo by msracheldixon on Instagram

Isn't change supposed to be a good thing?

Well, I've had a whole freaking lot of change in the last year and let me tell you something. It sucks.

My kids are all in school full time. They no longer need their mama during the day. For the first time in 14 years, I am no longer a "mother of small children". I'm only 35, so that whole being-a-mom thing has been my entire adult life. So, holy f**k, what am I now??

I had to go out and get a job. A real, grown-up job. I had to give up all my Zumba® classes and get a real freaking job. I even stopped paying my Zumba Instructor Network (ZIN™) membership, so I wasn't even listed on the website for a couple of months...but I couldn't deal with that so I'm back in, now. But still. No regular classes on my schedule,after teaching for six years.

There's some other stuff--my Zumba® mentor is no longer with the company, I had all these goals that have to put on hold while I get a J.O.B., and a bunch of other whiny, personal stuff I can't bother you with --but it all amounts to one thing: I am sick and tired of change.

Sick of it.

Sick sick #$&_@)#% sick.

After five months at the new job, and a good month or so of crying just about every damn day like an emo lovesick teenager, I've decided to grow some balls and do something about my situation.

Life lesson #23849: If you don't like where you're at, don't be a bitch. Do something to change it.

So to that end, I am creating a little master plan. Bwahahahaha, and all that.

Step one of the plan? You're reading it! Jump start the blog. Make it a hub of delicious fitness inspiration and information. I hope you enjoy it.

I'll tell you more about the plan as we go. If my journey inspires you, at all, to take steps toward your happiness, let me know!

Saturday, May 18, 2013

you and me, we gots catchin up to do.

Holy smokes, long time no post!

I have a shizz ton to tell you, so stay tuned, but for now: check out

Project Eve "encourages female entrepreneurs to communicate, collaborate and share actionable solutions minus the sharp elbows." They're pretty awesome--and I'm not just saying that because they'll retweet me for this little mention--and if you're a female with an entrepreneurial streak like me, you gotta check 'em out. Mwah!

Wednesday, January 02, 2013

Happy 2013!!

Happy new year!

Aw man, I'm so excited for this year. I got big plans for 2013, big plans.
Eatin well.

Gettin fit.

Drinkin water like a fish.

Becoming a personal trainer.

Going back to school.

Running a half-marathon.

Starting up independent fitness classes again, and having a blast helping other people enjoy higher levels of fitness and putting more fun in their lives.

And above all, spending more time with family and friends, creating a life that revolves around community with hospitality and love.

Hippie. ;)

What are your goals for twenty-thirteen? Write a book? Climb a mountain? Paint a masterpiece? Learn to swim? Let's hear 'em!

Friday, November 16, 2012

the zombies are chasing me, hurrah!

Gee, I'd really love to give you a post today. Something to make you laugh while your at work, or something to make you think while you're debating getting out of bed and going to the gym.

But unfortunately my Internet is being a giant PITA. I can do my bloggy thing from my iPod, here, but typing a whole full post with my thumbs just doesn't sound too appealing.

I will say this, however: my zombie chases are working!!! The zombies are chasing me, hurray hurray!

See, I've been using this app called "Zombies, Run!", which is COMPLETELY WORTH the somewhat unusually-high app price of $7.99, for several months now. If this were a real post, right here is where I'd insert the ZR promo clip, or the really fabulous fan-created mini-film but since it's NOT a real post I'll just direct you to which you will probably have to cut and paste or type into your browser because this lame Blogger app doesn't support hyperlinks and tell you to GET IT NOW.

Edited: Got it!!

Phew, I got all pit of breath, typing that huge run-on sentence. Run-on sentences make me happy. It's like a contest with myself on how long I can make them while still staying somewhat coherent in my thought-spewing.

So anyway, the app immerses you in a story set during the inevitable zombie apocalypse. You are runner five, running for Abel Township, and it's your running skills that keep the base, well, running. But while you're out picking up spare packages of batteries and sports bras, the zombies are after your brains.

While you run, a voice (a robot voice that i now hear in my dreams) will say,"Warning. Zombies detected." When you hear this, you better haul your weapon-and-food-collecting booty, . A beep indicates the zombie horde closing in on you. The faster the beep, the closer they are to catching you. As you increase your speed, the beeping slows until you (oh God thank you finally) hear the voice say "Zombies evaded".

For anyone with half an imagination and the willingness to intermittently run like a damn fool, it's wicked fun. But a glitch in one of the iOS updates for my iPod made the zombie chases stop working. So I'd get the story still, but not the scary-exciting threat of being bitten.

I ran the rest of my missions this way, and it just wasn't the same.

But!! The latest update, out just this past week, has me running from zoms again. I was so happy the first time I heard that robot voice, I almost cried! Now I'm back to running every day, re-running the story missions to full effect while I (not)patiently await ZR season 2.

How about you? Have you tried this app? What do you think?